Press Play
by L.C.Candle
Summary: Press Play on the Tape Recorder... and listen to the soundtrack of Edward and Bella, before, after, or maybe even during, New Moon. [Song Fictions for people who don't read Song Fictions.]
1. I'm Sorry

**Authors:// **Holy Cheese, did this actually go through without any problems? I'm very shocked. FF decided to be NICE for once. Anyway, I needed to write a song fic sooo. SONG FICS! Whoot. **//: End Authors Note**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or any of the characters mentioned whatsoever in this. Stephenie Meyer does, me, I only own the Toast.**

I stared at the wall, not knowing exactly why, I just stared. Even after two weeks the hole had not been entirely filled. Edward knew this, and he tried to help, tried to reassure me.

Most of me, well, almost all of me, knew that he would never leave me again. It was impossible for him. He refused to leave my side unless he absolutely had too. But…I don't know a part of me, a very small part at that, refused to believe it.

_I'm sorry  
I don't mean to remember  
It's true that I dream less often_

Edward touched my shoulder and sighed. I flinched at his touch and shifted away.

_Your hand's coming down again  
I close my eyes and brace myself  
I only noticed your face_

"Bella…" He said softly, "I'm never, ever, going to leave you." His hand fell softly to the bed. "You are my _life_. You are the _only reason _for me to live."

"I know…I'm sorry…Edward…" I said, "But…" I closed my mouth. No. I wouldn't say anything.

"But, what? Bella, you can tell me anything. I promise, no, I swear, I'll listen."

"But…What are you going to do if I become too much? You already have enough trouble with your family when it comes to me, what if you can't last until the end of senior year?" I realized that my questions were stupid and pointless the moment they spilled from my mouth. I had the answers already, so why was I asking for them again?

That answer easy slipped into my mind. Yes, I had the answers, but that really wasn't what I wanted. What I wanted was to hear the words that would assure me that everything would really be okay. I needed to hear them one more time. Just one more time, that's all I asked for.

_I love you and I understand  
That you stood where I stood_

"Bella, you already know the answer to that." Edward said.

"Edward, please." I shut my eyes tight; I didn't want to have to beg. I wanted him to say it without me forcing him to.

He took my hands and rubbed circles with his thumb in them. "Isabella Swan…I love you, I will never leave you. You are all I want. Don't you understand? Leaving you would be like…being turned over and over again, except the pain would last more than three days. Bella, please listen to me, I want you to trust me."

_My scars are yours today  
This story ends so good_

I repeated the words to myself over and over in my head, melting them into my memory. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Don't be; don't ever apologize for my mistakes." And he leaned over and kissed me, and I kissed him back, not flinching away from his cool touch.

_Close my eyes and brace myself  
I only noticed your face  
No matter what you're gonna break my shell  
No matter what you're gonna break my shell _

_I'm done healing  
I'm done healing_


	2. Sorrow

**Authors Note://** Found a beta, thanks for offering everyone! D Now I forgot to mention that this is a Flyleaf song fiction collection. The last song was Flyleaf – I'm Sorry and this one is Flyleaf – Sorrow. Flyleaf is a Christian Rock band so I am only choosing the songs that do not mention God so other people on FF will not feel offended. ) Also, if anyone wants to see something amazingly stupid to happen to the characters of Twilight, feel free to PM me with your idea. **//: End Authors Note**

_Sometimes life seems to quiet  
Into paralyzing silence  
Like the moonless dark  
Meant to make me strong_

He left me. He left me. He _left_ me. _He left me_. He doesn't love me. He doesn't want me. He doesn't _want _me. He's gone. Forever. He's not coming back. He promised, though. He _promised_.

He took everything. There's nothing left. No memories, no pictures…I sit up suddenly and raid my room for my photo album. He couldn't have taken them all…

I find one. It's half folded, cutting out his image. I pull it out slowly, gently, afraid it might break and disappear forever if I don't. I unfold it, and there he is, forcing a smile. The memories hit me hard, and I recoil in pain, grasping my stomach.

For one second I feel his presence, his cold arms holding me tightly. The ever-growing hole disappears, and I finally feel together again. Up until the point where I realize that the cold arms gripping me are my own.

_Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you  
And hold for all eternity  
For just one second I felt whole  
As you flew right through me_

I clutch the picture to my heart and remember our first kiss. Did that mean nothing to him? Was it all a lie that I played with? What if he comes back, and starts lying to me again? Telling me he loves me when he really doesn't?

_And we kiss each other one more time  
And sing this lie that's halfway mine  
The sword is slicing through the question  
So I won't be fooled by his angel light_

"Edward…" I whisper, the name lingering in the air. "I love you…" I press the picture against me. The only reminder I have that he was real… and that maybe somewhere he did really love me.

_Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you  
And hold for all eternity  
For just one second I felt whole  
As you flew right through me  
And up into the stars_


	3. There For You

She truly was happy with Edward. I never thought it was possible that anyone could love a Blood-sucker like him, but then again, Bella wasn't just anyone. I watched them walk along the sidewalk, hand in hand. It hurt, it really did. I loved Bella, I still do, to see her with Edward and _happy_…Well, I suppose it was for the best…As long as it made her okay again.

I love her. I know I don't deserve her, now that I can hurt her like Emily was hurt. She was always a good friend, she even sought me out when I was going through the transformations, tried to help me in anyway she could. All I wanted was to be with her, to protect her.

_Sometimes I'm selfish fake  
You're always a true friend  
And I don't deserve you  
'Cause I'm not there for you  
Please forgive me again_

"Bella?" I stepped out of the shadows of the forest and approached her. The blood-sucker growled. "I just want to talk to her, Edward."

The blood-sucker looked at Bella and whispered "I'll be here, I love you." in her ear. Bella nodded and walked slowly over to me.

"Jacob." She said promptly to me.

I missed her. I missed her smile, her laugh, the sound of her voice. I missed _her_. Just to see her and be close to her again was a present I would cherish forever.

"Bella, I miss you." I said simply, giving her the full-out truth.

"Jacob…" She sighed, "I really am happy with Edward, Jake, I love him. You aren't going to take me away from him."

"Bella...No…" I shook my head. Is that what she thought of me these days? Did she think all I wanted was for her to be miserable and away from the Blood-sucker? I wanted her to be happy. If that happiness was with the vampire, so be it. I just wished it wasn't. "Bella, I just want to be close to you again. I miss you."

_I wanna be there for you  
Someone you can come to  
Runs deeper than my bones  
I wanna be there for you  
I wanna be there for you_

"Jacob…I miss you too, I wish we could, you know…hang out again. Except, without motorcycles…That would be…bad." Bella said, unexpectedly grabbing my hand. "Jake, I love you, like a brother. But I can't. I'm with…them now. I'm sorry."

_You speak the unspeakable through  
I love you too_

I nodded and let her go. She looked at me with sadness in her big brown eyes and walked off back to Edward. She took his hand and with one last look she walked away from me, forever.

_I wanna be there for you  
And be someone you can come to  
The love runs deeper than my bones  
I wanna be there for you_

**Authors Note:// **I almost cried writing this. It's so SAD! I really think Jacob loves Bella and really does miss her and isn't as bad as everyone thinks he is. HE IS A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE WEREWOLFY. He needs a hug. I could just go squish him now. Poor Jakey. –SNIFF- Song is, There-For-You by Flyleaf I have like…Three...Two more that will soon be posted.

P.S. TO MEL; I'm sorry Mel! I just couldn't wait! FORGIVE ME? **//:End Authors Note**


	4. Calling You

**Authors Note://** One of my reviewers, JaDe-ViPeR08, suggested that I use this song for one of the song fictions. So, here it is. Blue October- Calling You, in Edward's POV. **//:End Authors Note**

_There's something that I can't quite explain_

_I'm so in love with you_

_You'll never take that away_

"Bella…" I smiled and raised my hand to her face, brushing her cheek. She smiled and closed her eyes, her hand covering mine.

"Edward…" She whispered. I loved the way she said my name, so beautifully, so perfectly…it flowed from her lips smoothly. It was as if she was saying the name of an angel instead of one that belongs to a monster such as me. I wonder if she knew how wonderful she made everything, but more importantly, how much I loved her.

"I love you, Isabella." I said, pronouncing her full name. I leaned in close to her, my face inches away from her own. Her eyes fluttered open and looked at me. Her blush warmed her cheeks and her heart beat erratically.

"I love you, too, Edward." She said, "Always."

"Always and forever, Bella, always and forever." I said, smiling before I kissed her.

_And if I said a hundred times before_

_Expect a thousand more_

_You never take that away_

Her hands placed themselves behind my neck and pushed me forward. I chuckled and pulled away. "Greedy?" I asked, raising one eyebrow.

"It's you. What do you expect?" She said, smiling widely. I loved that smile. I made a note to myself to make her smile more often.

She rested her head against my chest and I kissed her hair. "I have to go hunting soon…" I said.

"Mmmmph. How long will you be gone?" She asked; it was amazing how she didn't squirm when I mentioned hunting. Any normal person would recoil at the idea of your boyfriend brutally tearing apart animals for their blood. But …Of course, Bella wasn't just anyone. _She was a goddess. _

"I'll try to hurry. I'll bother Emmett." I said, already planning the perfect way to annoy Emmett into hurrying with the hunting. All I had to do was talk about Bella or act distracted the entire time. "I love you."

"You told me that earlier. And I love you too."

"Not the wolf?" The idea of her being with a dog like Jacob made me shudder, and it almost happened. It _almost_ happened.

"No, not the wolf. You. Just you." She said, raising her head to look me in the eyes.

"I love you." I repeated, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Even if I said it one hundred times, Bella, I still wouldn't have told you enough."

Bella sighed, "How many times do I have to tell you, Edward? I don't need words. I just need you. You're enough for forever."

"So are you." I glanced at the clock. I had to leave. It was already 7 A.M., and the sun was actually coming out.

"You have to leave." She stated. She fell back on her bed and pointed to the window. "Well, hurry it up. I want you back as soon as possible."

I chuckled, "Yes ma'am."

_Well expect me to be_

_Calling you to see_

_If you're ok when I'm not around_

_Asking if you love me_

_I love the way you make it sound_

_Calling you to see_

_Do I try too hard to make you smile?_

_To make a smile_

I stepped through the front door of my house mere minutes after leaving Bella's. The endless chatter of my family exploded in my mind. Emmett and Jasper flew down the stairs to greet me.

"Well it's about time you left your girlfriend. I'm _starved;_ can we leave?" Emmett said, impatiently.

Jasper rolled his eyes, "I'm ready to leave whenever you are, Edward. Unlike Piggy MacPigPig over here."

"_I'm _not the Pig!"

"Sure, sure." Jasper nodded. _You're just the King of them._ Jasper glanced at me and smiled.

I laughed, "I agree with you 100 percent."

"Are you guys making fun of my husband?" Rosalie said, folding her arms.

"Oh, never." I said sarcastically, moving to the upstairs. My phone was in my room. I'd only been away for 10 minutes and already I felt the need to talk to her. I heard Rosalie yell at Jasper and Jasper snap at her in a calm manner.

"Bella." I said once a familiar 'Hello' came from the other end.

"_You're lucky Charlie just left. He would've killed you for calling me so early in the morning."_

"It's only 7, Bella, he wouldn't have gotten too upset."

"_Hah! I laugh at that. Why are you calling me anyway? Aren't you supposed to be hunting?"_

"I have a right to call my Bella."

"_My Bella. I like that." _I wonder if she was smiling on the other end. _"Hey…Edward?"_

"Yes?"

"_I love you." _Her soft words warmed my body, almost as if she was there holding me. I loved the way she made the three words combined sound.

"I love you too, Bella." I smiled and hummed her lullaby in the pause that followed my words. I wondered if she was blushing.

"_Hey...Hey, Edward?"_

"Yes?"

"_As much as I love the long sweet pretty silence…"_

"…My brothers are mad and starved. I see your point." I sighed; I didn't want to get off the phone with her.

"_Edward."_

"Bella."

"_Either a) go hunting or b) come over here."_

"Oh b, definitely."

"_Edward."_

"I'm leaving. I love you, Bella. Goodbye." And I hung up, running downstairs to greet my starving brothers.

"Well, it's about time!"

Later That Night While Hunting  
(**Yes, this /is/ a bad way to show the transition of time. Go eat a goldfish.**)

_I will keep calling you to see_

_If you're sleepin' are you dreamin' and_

_If you're dreamin' are you dreamin' of me_

_I can't believe_

_You actually picked...me_

I couldn't get it out of my mind once Emmett voiced it. Well...He didn't really... _voice_ it exactly…He though it. But it was the same difference anyway.

_"She picked you after all."_

Yes. Yes she did. After everything I put her through, after I left her, destroyed her, and wasn't even there to protect her, she still picked me over the wolf. Me. Me… and only me.

Couldn't she see that I didn't deserve her? She could move on, she could have a happier life with someone other than me. But she was so stubborn! She refused to even think about the idea, saying that I was all she ever needed.

I still can't believe it. She picked me. _Me_. A monster, a vampire who could snap her neck in half if he wasn't too careful with her. A vampire that could drain the life out of her if he lost control of his blood lust.

I remembered what I was like though, without her. The memory didn't even seem real anymore.

_I thought that the world had lost its sway_

_(It's so hard sometimes)_

_Then I fell in love with you_

_(Then came you)_

_And you took that away_

_(It's not so difficult; the world is not so difficult)_

_You take away the old_

_Show me the new_

_And I feel like I can fly_

_When I stand next to you_

_So what if I'm on this phone_

_A hundred miles from home_

_I take the words you gave_

_And send them back to you_

(**We must briefly pause here where we mention the WONDERFUL help of ****Yours-For-Eternity****! A brilliant person, BRILLIANT I say! She helped me write this scene out. Thank you very much!**)

Then I fell in love with you

(Then came you)

_I stood there by her window, watching her chest rise up and down with her breathing. I couldn't do this anymore, I had to stop. It was utterly ridiculous, watching her as she slept with no idea that someone like me was in her room, watching her. _

_The moonlight glowed on her face, her lips, her eyes, her perfect face… I was tempted to reach out and touch her, to feel the warmth of her skin against my cold, hard fingers. She sighed suddenly, and I stared at her, worried that I had possibly disturbed her._

_"Edward."_

And you took that away

(It's not so difficult; the world is not so difficult)

You take away the old

Show me the new

And I feel like I can fly

_"You _are _an idiot," I said, laughing. In all truth, she was as much as an idiot as I was for being there. We were both idiots for even staying in contact with each other. It didn't mater though, nothing could keep me away from her now, and I truly felt love for her. Not lust like most humans believed was true love, but actual _love_. Our eyes met and we laughed together at the idiocy and sheer impossibility of such a moment._

_"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…," I murmured. Bella looked away hiding her eyes from me in embarrassment. She looked so adorable._

_"What a stupid lamb," She sighed._

_And as much as I wanted to say, 'No, what a beautiful, stupid lamb, Bella.' The words that spilled from my mouth were "What a sick, masochistic lion." _

I thought it all over, after everything we've ever been through; James, Laurent, Victoria, Jacob, The Volturi…She picked me. She chose _me_ to love. I sighed. No one could compare to Bella. No one at all.

I can't believe

You actually picked...**_me_**


	5. Heaven

**Authors Note**:// I have like five songs in the waiting list to be put up in this little collection and this song isn't even on the list but it still made it. I love this song, it made me cry when I first heard it. I highly suggest you listen to it, not the techno mix but the slower version. It's DJ Sammy's Heaven. I like this one, it rotates POV's.** Also, just so everyone knows, I already have a lot finished but I'm just annoying you all by waiting to upload it every now and then. So. There! XD //:End Authors Note**

_Baby, you're all that I want  
When you're lying here in my arms,  
I'm finding it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
_

I closed my eyes and laid on the soft grass in the Meadow. Perfect. The sun warmed my cold skin and I could hear Bella breathing softly beside me, her heartbeat turning into a beautiful piece of music. Quietly, although I could always hear her, she crawled onto my stone body and laid on top of me.

I wrapped one arm around her and folded another behind my head. Tracing her spine with my fingers I said, "I love you."

Bella blushed…I loved that blush. "This is," she paused, searching for the right word, "Heaven. Yes. Heaven…Just you and me, in our spot."

"I find that hard to believe," I said, cringing at the thought of such a thing as Heaven and Hell, God and Jesus, Angels and Demons…But I wouldn't ruin Bella's euphoric mood with a conversation on such.

"It's true, y'know." She sighed, "Anywhere you are is Heaven."

"You have it all wrong." I said, looking up at the sky, the clouds moving slowly across the unusually clear blue sky.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it isn't me that makes it your heaven." I paused, looking back at her face, "It's you. You make everything worthwhile, not me. Bella, you are resplendent, scintillant…Every word in the dictionary that means beautiful or bright, everything that relates or connects someway to the word 'Heaven'."

_And love is all that I need,  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven_

Bella's POV.

He's doing it again; dazzling me, that is. He's staring at me with his topaz eyes. Sometimes I can hardly believe he's real. I can feel my cheeks warm up and I see his smile grow.

I reach behind me, grabbing his hand on my back and bringing it forward to my face so I can see it. Almost like the first time we came here, to the meadow, I flip it over and study its unearthly glow.

"Scintillant, hmm?" I smirk, "Constantly aglow. You expect me to believe that while you're laying here sparkling in the sun-literally as well. Or resplendent, splendid or dazzling in appearance…" I shake my head. "A beautifully magnificent vampire, who just so happens to be my boyfriend, who also glitters, is telling me, his completely normal, average looking girlfriend, that she is resplendent and scintillant and every word that relates to the word beautiful."

"You don't see yourself clearly." He said.

I frown, "Edward. I don't need you to call me beautiful to let me know you love me," I pause, flipping his hand over again, "In fact, I don't need anything. I already know."

_Oh, once in your life you find someone  
Who will turn your world around  
Pick you up when your feeling down  
Now nothing could change what you mean to me  
There's a lot that I could say  
But just hold me now  
Cause our love will light the way_

Edward's POV.

I smirk. It's undeniably true that she is perfect. It is a natural beauty that she possesses, unlike me, beautiful only because of the change I went through a century or so years ago.

"Where have you been all my life, Bella?" I ask her, truly wondering the answer tot hat question myself. For years of plenty, I stayed at home living by the simple rules of Carlisle and Esme. My life seemed empty; the meaning of my existence meant hardly anything. I had points of light, only tiny reasons to live, until Bella came into my view of life. I could only imagine what my past life would have been like if only she had been in it.

"What do you mean?" She asked me, rolling off my chest and onto her back on the soft grass. I already missed the warmth of her body.

"I mean, and I've already explained this to you, probably several times in the past month or so…"

"Oh, yeah, I know the good old 'You are my everything, Bella' speech. I know what you mean; I just like hearing you repeat it." Bella said, randomly poking my side.

"Did you just poke me?" I asked her, turning my head to the side.

"Yes. Yes I did, but that's not the point, Edward. Go back to the point or you will not pass go and you will not collect 200 dollars."

"Playing monopoly lately?"

"With Emmett."

"I see…He really enjoys that game."

"Not the point, Edward."

"Alright, alright. I'll get to the point." I chuckle and explain for maybe the hundredth time to Bella how much she means to me.

"…and you have to understand Bella, that you turned my world upside down. Pinned me to the ground in wonder, in fact, nothing you can do or say will ever change the way I feel about you. Even if you did decide to dump me and run off with Newton or Black. I expect our love for each other will help you decide….which side…"

_I've been waiting for so long  
For something to arrive  
For love to come along  
Now our dreams are coming true  
Through the good times and the bad  
I'll be standing there by you_

Bella's POV

And my fellows, we're off again. He's waiting for me to say it, he's waiting for me to slip up and say "Edward, maybe you are right. Maybe I would be happier with Jacob or Mike. Maybe we should end this." He's never going to hear me say it though, not even in my dreams.

I roll over on my side and sigh scooting a bit closer so that I can easily lean my head on his chest and wrap my arm around him. "I'm not going to leave you Edward. Remember? I have no sense of self-preservation."

He turns on his side as well and wraps his arm around me, so we were now both holding each other.

"I love you, Edward. Anything that happens from here on out, I won't care. I'll always want to be with you."

He smiles at me and leans forward, pressing his lips gently against mine, "I love you more than you can comprehend, Isabella." He whispers.


	6. Papercut

**Authors Note:// **This is already up as a one-shot song fiction. But, unfortunately, the poor thing never got the love I think it deserved. Maybe because it's short….Well. It is my first song fiction. So, yeah, cut it some slack. I licked the little baby. PX Putting it up here just 'cause it belongs in this little collection. Song is Papercut by Linkin Park. **//:End Authors Note**

I glanced over my shoulder for the millionth time, knowing that she wasn't there, that she was safe at home with her father and away from me and anything that could harm her. I wanted her to somehow just show up. Just stand there and smile and forgive me for everything I ever did to hurt her. I would take her in my arms then and tell her that I loved her. But no, I would never have that chance with Bella again. She would have moved on by now. She has moved on, she is happier without me. She doesn't need me. I repeated over and over to myself, trying to make it true. The thought of her being with anyone besides me made me furious and utterly jealous...but if she was happy...

_It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back It's like a whirlwind inside of my head It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin_

I closed my eyes and could picture perfectly her heart shaped face, her big brown eyes and her soft silky hair. I remembered the sound of her voice and how musical her laugh was. I could see her, waiting for me, a wonderful shade of pink spreading across her cheeks. She was beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her again. It was like a there was a hole in my chest, an ever-growing hole that stung with remembrance. If I kept on like this, I would go mad for sure. I watched as the night-goers walked around the streets and cars zoomed passed. My mind drifted to the day when I left her, did she see through my lie or did she believe it?

_But I know just what it feels like To have a voice in the back of my head Like a face that I hold inside A face that awakes when I close my eyes A face watches every time I lie_

The sky was lightening; I must've been standing there for hours, just whispering her name. I longed to take Bella to the meadow once more and watch the sunset with her. This was insane, living without her, but it was for the best. It was for the best. I disappeared in the shadows as the sun began to rise, thinking about her. Always thinking about her.

_The sun I feel the light betray me The sun I feel the light betray me_


	7. Holding Out For A Hero

**Authors Note:// Song is, Frou Frou- Holding Out For A Hero, as heard on Shrek 2. Whoo. Happy Holidays guys! No more updates until after Christmas. Poor Mel, when she gets back she'll be going through like…five song fictions. XD**

**Dedicated to that _Damned_ Canadian and Yours-For-Eternity because I think they are just so spiffy. XD //:End Authors Note**

_Where have all the good men gone_

_And where are all the gods?_

_Where's the street-wise Hercules_

_To fight the rising odds?_

_Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?_

_Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need_

I roll over for what must be the millionth time and sigh. What happened to my Romeo? My Prince Charming? Where is he to fight this demon that attacks me? Isn't there someone, something, that can heal me? Shouldn't he be below my window, singing lullaby's to me, telling me to sleep and that all will be well in the morning? Shouldn't there be a man dressed in shining amour climbing up the wall to watch me sleep at night?

What happened the guardian angel that promised me forever?

I lie on my back and stay awake for hours, staring at the ceiling, decoding patterns in the paint. I needed someone. The gaping hole in my chest is burning and ripping and tearing away at my soul. Jacob was helping very little. Like a small band aid on a big cut. But he was helping nonetheless…

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night_

_He's gotta be strong_

_And he's gotta be fast_

_And he's gotta be fresh from the fight_

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light_

_He's gotta be sure_

_And it's gotta be soon_

_And he's gotta be larger than life_

What I needed more than anything was a hero to save me from my own nightmarish life. Someone strong, someone steady, someone who would promise me never to leave me alone again.

Who was I kidding? I needed _him_ my guardian, my angel, my one true love. I could never replace _him_ with someone else. He was larger than life to me, everything that meant anything to me. I needed to see him, tonight, tomorrow, soon, quickly. I wouldn't last much longer with this pain still consuming me. It was done with my soul, I could feel it, I felt 'damned' like his family.

Or maybe…maybe I had just given him my soul and he took it little by little as the days passed?

_Somewhere after midnight_

_In my wildest fantasy_

_Somewhere just beyond my reach_

_There's someone reaching back for me_

_Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat_

_It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet_

It's well past midnight and I can't stop dreaming about him. Daydreaming at night, not quite asleep but still lost in my own thoughts. I dreamed he was returning that I could see him just beyond my reach. I can see his outstretch arm, trying to grab me and I walk closer to it. But he takes a step back and I have to follow him.

I rolled on my side and curled into a ball, my wildest fantasy that he would return…It would never happen but yet I still had hope. Well, I must have if I kept thinking I would see him when I turned the corner someday…

_Up where the mountains meet the heavens above_

_Out where the lightning splits the sea_

_I would swear that there's someone somewhere_

_Watching me_

I shuddered, and closed my eyes tight, wrapping my quilt around my body tightly. I could swear that there was someone, somewhere, watching me. Perhaps it was him? Perhaps he had come back?

No, I was dreaming again, hoping, waiting, and wishing for something that could never, possibly, happen. I want him back though, so bad. I want my angel here with me to guard me and hold me.

I wanted to feel his cold touch again…Just once.

_Through the wind and the chill and the rain_

_And the storm and the flood_

_I can feel his approach_

_Like the fire in my blood_

The rain started up again, after time passed with _him_ it became soothing but now, it was back and haunting me, mocking me. The room temperature dropped to freezing, it seems. I shivered and drift off into the dark sleep.

"_Bella, I love you."_


	8. Behind These Hazel Eyes

_Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on_

_"Isabella." He pronounced my full name carefully, then playfully ruffled my hair with his free hand. A shock ran through my body at his casual touch. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down, ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." He lifted his glorious, agonized eyes to mine. "You are the most important thing to me now, the most important thing to me ever."_

No, please, anything but this. Anything but the agonizing remembrance of him and everything he said to me.

_"No," he continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." And he took my face in his hands again._

_I couldn't breathe._

_He hesitated — not in the normal way, the human way. Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to gauge her reaction, to see how he would be received. Perhaps he would hesitate to prolong the moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself._

_Edward hesitated to test himself, to see if this was safe, to make sure he was still in control of his need._

_And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine._

The water dripped down the smooth mountain of pale skin and dripped down the waterfall onto the soft fabric that was my clothes. It came hard, and it came fast. I was flooded with memories, painful, agonizing memories of the lies he told me.

Oh but the kiss… It all felt so… _real_. It didn't seem like a lie at all when he kissed me. It seemed like an act of love. But I suppose I should've paid more attention because _nothing_ is as it seems.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

I wondered if it was possible to break up into tiny little pieces and stay that way. I certainly had. I wiped at my eyes furiously. Damned tears. Damned eye ducts. Damnit!

But he wouldn't be here to see me cry. Oh no, he was probably off, happily somewhere, forgotten all about me…

_"Of course… I'll still love you… In a way."_

_I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside  
'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on_

All those lies… All that time I spent together with him… Just told him everything… Thought he cared… All of it... all of it a lie…

I tried to take a deep breath and calm myself but I should've known better than that. It became harder for me to breathe ever since he left me that one day. I tried to roll over on my side and fall asleep but the rain pounded hard against the windows and I remembered when he was here, watching me sleep, protecting me from any dangers at all.

Oh god, I missed him.

**Authors Note:// **I didn't really like this one all too much. PX Song request for Dark-Wiccan-Goddess. Kelly Clarkson- Behind These Hazel Eyes. Stuff in italics isn't mine. Memories are straight from Twilight/New Moon and we ALL know who Bella belongs too.**//:End Authors Note**


	9. Ain't Got You

**Authors Note:// **After spending a good deal of time trying to put Alicia Keys' music videos in order (They tell a story if you put them in order) and after listening to each song repeatedly and watching the music videos several times, I realized that Ain't Got You is a lot like Edward and Bella and now…I am tying in my worthless waste of figuring out the puzzle into Twilight.

I told you, Kiwi, I told you I would do it. XD **//:End Authors Note**

**Dedicated to; Mel (Craziness-n-love)**

_Some people live for the fortune  
Some people live just for the fame  
Some people live for the power, yeah  
Some people live just to play the game  
Some people think that the physical things  
Define what's within  
And I've been there before  
But that life's a bore  
So full of the superficial_

I sighed, "Some people are greedy, Edward, but not me. I don't care for all of those material items that are used to buy people's love. I've been there, it's nothing big."

He stared at me with an odd look on his face, "You've…_been_ there?"

"Well, I've been there in books and such…Princesses desperate for a much smaller life…But you should know what I'm talking about," I paused and looked him over, "You're filthy rich, gorgeous, you could have everything, but that's all just _boring_ to you, isn't it?"

He nodded, "Yes it is, quite so." He leaned forward across the table. "It's all a game, like you said, Bella, it's nothing big."

_Some people want it all  
But I don't want nothing at all  
If it ain't you baby  
If I ain't got you baby  
Some people want diamond rings  
Some just want everything  
But everything means nothing  
If I ain't got you, Yeah_

"Then why don't you understand?" I asked him, leaning forward across the table as well.

"Understand, what exactly?"

"That I don't care about anything fancy, expensive, anything paid for. Why do you think I don't like presents? I don't want to feel like you think you have to buy my love."

"Bella…" he took a deep unnecessary breathe, "I know I don't have to buy your love, I don't want to buy your love, Bella. I give you presents and gifts and things of the such because I want to show you how much I love you. I'd buy you anything you ever wanted. The moon, even! I'd buy you anything as long as it showed you how much I cared for you."

I sat there staring at him, thinking. I had to choose my words carefully otherwise he would win, again.

"Isn't there anything you want?" he asked softly.

"You." I said quickly without thinking. It was true nonetheless; all I wanted was Edward, nothing but Edward.

"You already have me." He said.

"I want you to not feel like you have to buy me things to show your love, then." I smiled.

"Bella…You're being ridiculous." He sighed in frustration.

_Some people search for a fountain  
That promises forever young  
Some people need three dozen roses  
And that's the only way to prove you love them  
Hand me the world on a silver platter  
And what good would it be  
With no one to share  
With no one who truly cares for me_

"Am I?" I raised one eyebrow at him; _I _didn't think I was being ridiculous. I thought I had a very good point.

"Yes you are," he leaned back against the kitchen chair, "I should be able to buy my girlfriend a present every now and then. How can you not like gifts?"

For a minute I stopped and wondered when Edward ever got a girlfriend and who she was, where she lived, and how I could convince Emmett to egg her house, and then I remembered. I was Edward's girlfriend. I didn't like that word…_Girlfriend_. I preferred _Soul Mates_.

"Edward you could give me the world and it wouldn't matter a thing to me." I tucked my hand under my chin, "What good is it compared to you?"

_If I ain't got you with me baby  
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing  
If I ain't got you with me baby_

He stayed silent for awhile, staring at me.

"I don't want anything but you and your '_I love you's_'." I said.

And then he started to laugh. I stared at him, confused, my head tilted to the side a bit. What was so funny? I thought it was a very sweet comment. It sounded good in my head anyway…

"Did anyone ever tell you how _amazing_ you are?" he was by my side in an instant, my face in his hands. "I love you Bella." His eyes were filled with admiration and sincerity.

"I love you too." I said right before his cold lips pressed against mine.


	10. Definitions of December

**Authors Note:// **Song is **"MyDsmbr" by Linkin Park**. What happened on the first of December while Bella was in –zombie mode- Titled definitions because of how I did this one.**//:End Authors Note**

**December**

_This is my December  
This is my time of the year  
This is my December  
This is all so clear_

Pain; Noun; An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder. Pain; Verb; To cause pain to; hurt or injure. Pain; Verb; To be the cause of pain. Pain; Noun; Isabella Marie Swan's heart.

Time; Noun; A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future. Time; Noun; The proposed medicine for a wounded heart suggested by Him.

Pain and Time. Time and Pain. Intertwined with each other so tightly that pain draws out longer with the time passing. Like siblings, I suppose, together, blood-related, working together, growing together…Yes, Time and Pain were siblings of choice.

_This is my December  
This is my snow-covered home  
This is my December  
This is me alone_

I suppose a lot of time has passed. A lot of pain was dragged with it, I can assure you. What month is it? What day is it? What happened to the green forest? Where is he? Why isn't he here? Why is there snow outside? It wasn't cold last time. Why am I here alone?

_"Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

Heal; Verb; To become whole and sound; return to health.

Time has not passed long enough to do that for me. To _fix_ me as anyone would so kindly put it. Time had become my enemy. Time would not end for me. Time lingered and lasted for me. It healed any trace of a suicidal thought but it did nothing to heal the burning, fiery, gaping hole that was consuming my very being every second.

Syrus Publilius was right when he said 'The wounds of love can only be healed by those who made them.'

_And I  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And I  
Take back all the things I said  
To make you feel like that  
And I  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And I  
Take back all the things I said to you_

What did I do? What had I done wrong? I don't want to feel this way. I'd take it back, anything I had done, I'd take it back a million times over. I'd beg at my knees, I'd do anything he wanted…

What did I miss? What slipped out of my grasp of sight? What happened to make him feel that way? It had to be something I did. But what? _What?_ Did I push him too far? Did I do something to upset him? _Did I say something in my sleep to arouse his anger?_

Memories, memories, conversations, conversations, events, sayings, something… Why would he do it? My existence was nothing without him. Hadn't I told him that? Didn't I explain to him how much I needed him?  
Not as much as I should've I suppose, because he left. Most likely thinking that I didn't love him as much as he thought and so he left because he didn't want me anymore. Because he felt he was wasting time on someone who cared nothing for him at all.

_This is my December  
This is my time of the year  
This is my December  
This is all so clear_

_Give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to_

Ha-ha. Yes. I figured it out, it was my fault entirely that he left. He would've left sooner if it hadn't been for his family. But then his family decided to leave Forks because they had stayed too long.

Yes. Yes. Yes. That must be it. It was the only explanation. Edward wouldn't lie to me, he was just voicing what he thought to be true….But why didn't he simply talk to me about it then?

No, I had to push those silly questions away because I have now found my conclusion. I was to blame, it was my entire fault. Question, question, question, definition, definition, definition… _I thought we were meant to be, like Romeo and Juliet, but we only ended in tragedy._

He's never coming back is he? No. I suppose not. He's not going to come back because he thinks I don't love him. My breathing hitched and I began to take in short quick breaths.

No crying.

_No damned crying._

No.

My fault, my fault, my fault…

_Come back. Come back. Please, come back to me. I love you. _


	11. I Feel Good

**Authors Note://** 'I'm Sorry' readers need a serious break from all my serious, depressing, fluff filled song fictions. So here you go. This one's for all of you! Thank you Yours-For-Eternity for co-writing this! (Any paragraph that mentioned Kiwi doing anything was writing by Yours-For-Eternity…basically every other paragraph or so after the moonwalk part.)

James Brown- I Feel Good (R.I.P. James!)**//:End Authors Note**

The radio was turned to a random section in the kitchen as I chopped some lettuce for a sandwich. Edward was randomly in the house somewhere, doing _something_. I know I should've been worried…But I wasn't….Until James Brown 'I Feel Good' began to play.

_I feel good  
I knew that I would now  
I feel good  
I knew that I would now  
So good, so good, I got you!_

Suddenly Edward slid into the kitchen wearing Polka Dotted boxer shorts, socks, a T-shirt and a pair of sunglasses, while holding a Hair Brush in his hands, _my_ hairbrush to be exact.

I opened my mouth to comment, but before any sound came out, a teenage girl suddenly appeared out of nowhere, eyes the size of golf balls. "What teh FOOK?" she exclaimed, eyeing Edward curiously.  
"Um, who are you?" I asked, as Edward proceeded to slide around on the tiles, singing into the hairbrush.  
"I'm Kiwi," she grinned. Suddenly her eyes met my sandwich, sitting on the counter. "HEY! A SANDWICH!" she said, pointing a manicured finger at my lunch. Without another word, she picked it up and took a bite. "Hey, thanks."

My eye twitched, "That was…My sandwich…"

"SO GOOD! DA DA! SO GOOD! DA DA! I GOT YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!" Edward pointed at me and did the Micheal Jackson moonwalk.

Kiwi raised her eyebrows, taking another bite of the sandwich that was once mine. "Does he have some sort of medication he should be taking?"

I eyed my sandwich, plotting on how I could wrestle Kiwi for it...I didn't have much muscle...probably none...I was clumsy and there was a chance I could cut my finger with that knife by the sink..."Um...No. I don't...think so."

Kiwi nodded slowly. "Well dear," she said, placing the half-eaten sandwich on the counter. "I believe that you should probably take him to a doctor. There's special places for people with issues like him. With nice squishy walls, and very friendly people." she grinned, "I've been there, it's rather nice there."

"Well, I'm sure you have but Edward doesn't need a doctor, he's...fine." Oh great, a mental patient. I hope she isn't on crack…she'd be hard to take down.

_I feel nice  
Like sugar and spice  
I feel nice  
Like sugar and spice  
So nice, so nice, 'cause I Got You_

"In denial are we?" Kiwi shook her head, making a tsk, tsk, sound. "Bella darling, the sooner he gets help, the sooner he gets better. Take me for example. I'm perfectly healed, the place works wonders." She smiled, and picked the sandwich back up. Damn crazy girl, eating my sandwich. Suddenly she made a face, "Is there mayo on this? I don't like mayo." she dropped the sandwich back on the counter. "Ew."

I blinked and ran to the sandwich, cuddling it, "Don't talk to the thing like that!" Edward spun around in a circle and scream "SO NICE! SO NICE! 'CAUSE I GOT YOOUUUU!" into the hairbrush. Maybe the crazy girl was right...Maybe I did need to bring Edward to Carlisle...Wait...what am I thinking? SHE'S CRAZY!

The girl stepped back a few times. "Maybe the two of you should make the trip together," she blinked, her eyes darting from Edward, and back to me, and then to the sandwich. "Make it a date..."

I narrowed my eyes, "Why are you lookin' at my sandwich like that, huh? HUH? GET YOUR OWN SANDWICH." I screamed, waving the sandwich in front of her face. No one looked at my sandwich like that. No one. Not even Edward!

"Bella relax," Kiwi blinked, avoiding any eye-contact with the sandwich. Well, actually the sandwich didn't have any eyes, so technically she just wasn't avoiding eye-contact per se, avoiding looking at the sandwich in general. But you got the idea, didn't you?   
"I'm sorry Bella," Kiwi continued, "I will never look at your sandwich again."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME???" I asked this crazy woman, I never mentioned my name to her but yet she KNEW IT???

Kiwi smirked; "I'm MAGICAL!" she waved her hands around in the air.

"...I knew you were insane..." I rolled my eyes and bit into my sandwich just as Edward slid on his knees into the kitchen and wrapped me up in his arms. He then yelled another verse of 'I Feel Good' into the hairbrush which had MAGICALLY been replaced with my _ear_.

_When I hold you in my arms  
I know I can't do no wrong now  
When I hold you in my arms  
My love can't do me no harm_

Kiwi stepped away. "Ew," she scrunched her nose. "The fairy witch lady...vampire...girl... that sent me here never told me that I would have to watch all this mushy lovey junk."

Edward let go of me and went back to his moon-walk-dance-routine in the living room again. "Uhh...Vampire...fairy...witch...lady?"

"Girl!" Kiwi chimed, a wide smile on her face. "Fairy witch lady vampire _girl._" She giggled. "She's the one who sent me here."

"...There's no such thing as Vampires, Fairies or witches..." I said quickly. I turned around to look at Edward and he started to pull off some Ballet moves...some of which I recognized from my old dance class...I wonder if he somehow spied on me when I was little too...

Kiwi laughed. "Oh come on," she rolled her eyes. "You now as well as I do that vampires do exist, don't you Bella?" her left eye started twitching.

Oh god...wasn't eye twitching a sign of insanity? My eye twitched, "Umm...No they don't...Vampires aren't real."

Kiwi glared at me, "THEY DO TOOOOOO!!!" she whined like a little child. "I KNOW HIS SECRET BELLA!!!!!"

"What secret? Whose secret? There's no secret. EDWARD DOESN'T HAVE A SECRET." I yelled at her. She had no proof that Edward was a vampire. NONE. She was a physco maniac...

Kiwi pointed at me accusingly, "Don't you lie to me, miss sassy pants!!" She stood on her toes, and pulled a rather large book out of her back pocket, and handed it to me. It was called Twilight, and it had a picture of a pale girl holding an apple on the front. The apple made me realize how hungry I was, I never did get my sandwich. "LOOK, PROOF! THE CULLENS ARE VAMPIRES!!"

I flipped open the book and read a random line.

_"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"_

I slammed the book closed and looked at the author's name _Stephenie Meyer_. Oh damn that woman. "First off, I'm not _that pathetic_! I mean…Right?"

Edward spun up behind me and said, "Yes, sorry darling, but you are."

"Oh gee, thanks, I love you too." I rolled my eyes and Edward sang another line of I Feel Good.

_When I hold you in my arms  
I know I can't do no wrong now  
When I hold you in my arms  
My love can't do me no harm_

"EWWW!" Kiwi squealed. "More mushy gooshyness!!" She picked up the sandwich that Bella had dropped when she took the book, at flung it at the pair, before taking Twilight back, and disappearing in a puff of red smoke.

"MY SANDWICH!!!" I screamed, "OHMYGOD WAS THAT TOAST?? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Edward yelled, running into the living room, then screamed the last line of 'I Feel Good', then ran upstairs as fast as he could.

_So good, yeah, so good, yeah  
I got you  
So good, yeah, so good,  
Cause I got you!_

**Ze End.**


	12. Your Guardian Angel

**Authors Note; **For Kiwi! Sorry it's so late! D I'm getting back into the habit of writing and working at school so… yeah. Updates will now be **on Saturday's**, **and/or** **Wednesday's** **for sure** (Meaning, I may update on a Tuesday or a Sunday but there will always be updates on Saturdays or Wednesdays.) starting after I update for today. The song is, Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

…There was so much fluff in the first one that I died… XD so umm… NO DAMN REGRETS SONG FIC RIGHT NOW FROM ME TO YOU, well, not right now anyway. **; End Authors Note**

**  
**_When I see your smile  
Tears run down my face I can't replace  
And now that I'm strong I have figured out  
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul  
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one_

"Bella! Bella Swan!" I saw her walking in the rain with a grey sweatshirt on, the hood hiding her head. What on earth was she doing out in the rain? Didn't she tell me that she hated the wet and the mushy cold? Instinctively I worried about her, I worried about her more than I did before I left, or when we were in Volturi. I couldn't help the fact that I was overprotective… She _was_ a danger magnet.

I caught up with her quickly, "Bella, what are you doing?"

She turned and looked at me, her eyes blank, she stared at me and lifted her hand up to touch my face. I took it instead and kissed it. "I thought you hated the rain, Bells." I said.

"Edward?" She asked, confused.

"Yes, my singer?"

She sighed in relief and threw her arms around me, "I thought it was just a dream, I thought that you were gone… that I would never see you… I didn't see you this morning."

Her words struck me hard and I winced, had I caused that much pain in her? Had my leaving been as unbearable as it was for me? "No, I had to go for a bit, Alice had a vision about some new vampires in Seattle…I left you a note, didn't I?" I blinked. I could've sworn I left her a note… I mentally hit myself repeatedly, I should've just stayed and waited until Bella woke up….

She pulled something out of her pocket, "Thought I started to sleep write…" she smiled wide and it warmed my body like an atomic bomb could kill you.

I shook my head and put my hands on either side of her wet cheeks. "Even I know that you can't write that beautifully, Bella." I chuckled and kissed her forehead.

She blushed again, "Yeah? Well… Oh shut up Mr. Good-At-Everything." She rolled her eyes.

I smiled, but eternally I was arguing with her accusation. If I was so good at everything, why couldn't I convince her that I would never leave her? Why couldn't I explain properly to her how much she meant to me, how much she held me upright? Somehow I would be able to convince her of the truth.

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

We started to walk again together in the rain, me getting soaking wet because I oh-so-elegantly decided not to dress for the rain. Damnit… She tripped over air and I caught her before she began to fall. "How many times do I have to pick you up, silly Bella?"

"Forever, I suppose." She wrapped her arms around one of mine and leaned against my shoulder. "You know, normal people wear _raincoats_ in the rain."

"Have you forgotten, dear Bella?" I chuckled. "I'm _not_ normal."

She wrinkled her nose and looked up at me, "Yeah, because any _normal_ person wouldn't be caught dead-- no pun intended-- with a danger magnet such as myself."

I frowned, had I not clearly explained to her how… appealing and beautiful she was to me? And it was I who had to listen and sometimes watch every young boy's thoughts as she entered the school building. She _must_ be blind. "Yes, you are a danger magnet, but you're a very… shiny danger magnet."

"Was that supposed to be a compliment?"

"It Depends. Do you like compliments?"

"Not really…" She paused, editing her thoughts again, oh damn, that mind of hers. "They're kinda… awkward. Especially from you, because I can't say anything you don't know already and I just feel… stupid, to put it simply."

"You're kidding?" I stared in disbelief at her. She surprised me every time with something new.

"….Afraid not."

"You're… very… odd. But that is why I love you. You aren't like everyone else. You're so very different. If there is a God, he'll have to forgive me for claiming you as mine." I wriggled my arm free of her grasp and wrapped it around her waist gently.

_It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.  
Seasons are changing  
And waves are crashing  
And stars are falling all for us  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one_

"You know you believe in God, Edward… You remember Volterra… '_Carlisle was right_' I believe those were your exact words," She looked away from me and ahead at the dark street.

Once again I was reminded of the despair my actions had brought upon her and my family. How imprudent of me to do something as reckless as seek the Volturi for salvation of the agony.

_Imprudent_. The simple word brought back memories of the time I finally admitted that it was highly impossible for me to stay away from her by the side of her excruciatingly slow truck.

_"It would be more… _prudent_ for you not to be my friend," I explained. "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."_

The rain had stopped little more than 20 minutes ago and now a soft breeze blew past us. The sky was darkening and I realized that Bella had stayed out longer than she should have. I was becoming irresponsible too, wasn't I?

How can I show her that I can take care of her when I only get her into more and more trouble?

_Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart_

"Hey… Edward," Bella started softly, her voice stabbing holes into my daydreams.

"Yes?" I looked down at her and smiled, pulling her closer to me.

"Charlie's going to be pissed."

I smirked, "He's not even home yet. I'm not that bad at being your Guardian Angel."

She snorted and her hand flew to her mouth. She coughed, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, did _The_ Egotistical Edward Cullen just call himself my Guardian Angel?"

"I do believe I did, kid." I leaned down and kissed her, her heartbeat flew up and beat faster than should be possible. I could tell I was about to make her faint.

_"You. Made. Me. Faint."_

Once she had regained her composure she looked at me with one eyebrow raised, "Did you just call me _kid_?"

I looked at her with the same expression on my face, "Did you just call me Egotistical?"

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven_


	13. Cat and Mouse

**Authors Note; **Dedicated to Kiwi for giving me the entire RJA CD via AIM. ILUSOMUCH. And Twilights-Angel on Deviantart dot com.

Song isss; Cat and Mouse by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. **;End Authors Note**

_Softly we tremble tonight,  
picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight,  
I said I'd never leave you'll never change  
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life._

He watched silently from the old rocking chair in the corner left from her baby days, back in happier times when her parents were still locked in the twisted reality of love. She cried out his name and he winced visibly. His decisions had brought chaos upon the both of them and yet they had still managed to wiggle out of any of the trouble.

He sighed and stood up, "I'm here, Bella." He whispered, placing a cool hand on her forehead.

She sighed and rolled over, muttering words incomprehensible to even him.

He sat back down in his seat and frowned. His mind swam around the earlier conversation they had had.

_"No! I'm will not-- I can't-- damn you to this lifestyle! Bella, no!"_

_"You'll leave again though! You'll leave me if I can't be someone equal to you! You'll get tired of my slowness, of me! I have to be… You have to! Please, Edward!"_

_"I promised you I would never leave…"_

_"You said something along those lines when James attacked me too!"_

He was certainly not pleased with his behavior as of last week. He'd grown a temper at the merest mention of vampirism, and today, his beloved Bella, his angel, had brought it up, unknowingly ripping open old wounds.

_Am I supposed to be happy?  
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
Am I supposed to be happy?  
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
You said, you said that you would die for me..._

He wondered from time to time if he was ever meant to be truly happy and alone with Bella, free of everything that held him back from… anything. Oh the possibilities of him being human… He could actually come by and help her if she cut herself without having to worry about hurting her. He could hold her, squeeze her hand, kiss her like she deserved to be kissed, He would be able to do so many things that were normal for any other couple.

But there was an easier way of being able to accomplish all of these things he so longed to do, and that was to tear his angel from her mortality and steal her soul. But he could never turn her into what he was, he could never put her through any of that. Even though, if she was turned into a vampire, she would be his 'equal', he would never see her blush or watch her sleep. He would never hear her sleep talk or watch her as she unraveled the entire truth about vampires without becoming one.

Why did his happiness come with such a high price to pay?

_We made plans to grow old,  
believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told.  
Lost in a simple game cat and mouse are we the same people as before this came to light?_

He was still frustrated with himself for leaving her and causing all the trouble in the first place. She was still growing to learn that everything he had told her in the past was the truth and everything but a lie. He sighed deeply, out of habit of course, he hadn't needed to really breathe for 105 years. He was dead after all.

He drifted back into his thoughts as Bella rolled over on her side. Could he and Bella ever regain the bond they had in the very beginning? Could he ever manage to make things right and keep her safe, once and for all? Again that nagging possibility dragged into his mind. The saying "Look what the cat dragged in" danced at the edges of his thoughts as well.

_Change her._

_Am I supposed to be happy?  
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
You said, you said that you would die for me..._

You must live for me too'...  
For me too...yeah, yeah...  
You said that you would die for me...

_"Don't you get it, Edward? I would _die_ for you! That clearly means more than you obviously think it does!"_

_"Bella, you can't be serious! I'm immortal; you would never have to come across that choice. I forbid you to think about it!"_

_"They. Almost. Killed. You." _

Another argument they had the day before lingered in his heart longer than it should have. Bella could not be as attached to him as he was to her. She could not love a monster as strongly as the monster loved her. The Lamb could not fall for the Lion.

They had come to a sort of agreement. They lived for each other. Everything they did, they did for each other. He had decided, the angel in the corner, that even hunting had become something he did for Bella, his angel. Everything, he realized, and he meant everything, he did was for Bella. Even when he spoke he spoke of Bella and nothing but. This problem of living for each others own sake would have never occurred if they had gone their separate ways when he warned her.

He was glad, though, selfishly glad, that she had not done as he wished. He feared he would have long since died without her.

**_Change her. Change her. Change her._**

The irritating voice of his subconscious repeated the sheer impossible choice, but the simplest answer to their problems.

_You said that you would die for me  
You said that you would die for me ohoo  
You said that you would die for me oohooo_

He would die for her, without a doubt, he almost did in Italy when he believed her dead. She, she would risk her life for him, she did everyday. Their love, he thought, should not exist. It was too dangerous for the both of them. But he would watch as the events unfolded and fate and destiny both revealed their paths. He would figure out eventually what he was to do to save his beloved.

_"Back there, Bells, you said you would die for me… I'd die for you too."_

_"I'd rather you not…"_

_"I love you too much to live without."_


	14. Better Than Me

**Authors Note;** I very nearly forgot I even did song fictions until I got a few reviews for this. Freshly renamed as "Press Play" and will now be updated more often. This is a quick little song request for JaDe-ViPeR08. "Better than me" by Hinder. Also, I'm sorry guys! I promise I'll update this as often as I update WTI from here on out! In all truth, I've missed my song fictions and I've been trying to find new songs to match Twilight or New Moon during Math class (why math…I have no idea.) I've been having a big debate on whether to go on a Red Jumpsuit Apparatus or Coldplay spree….

Sorry Cadi! I went ahead and put it up because I promised updates on Saturday or Wednesday and an FAQ update isn't enough to be considered an update...so yeah. –Scolds self- I should keep up with my deadlines. **;End Authors Note**

**Edward's POV (lolz I usually forget this don't I?)**

_I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe  
Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be  
I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remembered  
What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

Broken chocolate brown eyes. Soulless. Heartbroken, eyes. _She'll move on, Edward, she'll move on, it's for the best_ I repeated over and over to myself. _For the best, for the best, for the best_. Was this really the right thing to do? I looked out her bedroom window and reviewed.

She would find someone better than me and move on and have a family. She'll do so much better in this world with me out of the picture. She didn't deserve anything I pretended to be. She deserved truth and more love than I could give her. She deserved kisses and tight embraces and someone _warm_ to grasp onto.

She deserved everything and more.

_This would be the last time I would be in this room, _I thought, _the last time I'd be able to smell her sweet floral like scent…_If I ever came back she would belong to someone else and she would be _happy_.

I looked at the edge of her bed and sat down on it, dropping my head into my hands. I was almost done in here; all I had to do now was cover the floorboards back up. I would make sure she would forget me, unlike I who would forever bear the memory of her beauty.

I could only remember her now, but that was painful. If there was a God, I pray that Bella would never have to feel the pain that was swallowing me now.

I sighed and closed my eyes, remembering the warmth of her skin against my stone cold body. I could almost feel her hair brushing against my chest and hear the echo of her sweet laughter. Most of all I remembered the contact of her soft lips to my face or mine on hers. Magical. It was all that I could say that described it. She was magical. Everything about her was different, unique, special…Perfect.

I chuckled and remembered how she used to call _me_ perfect. The monster that I was had been dubbed _perfect_ by the sweet and beautiful innocent being of Isabella Swan. I clenched my fists and stood.

_While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room  
I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remembered  
What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

I leaned down and grabbed a handful of pictures that would soon be hidden under her floor. The pictures were of us, me, her, all of us…Together as we should be. If I could cry, I probably would've. I probably would have cried telling her that lie. But it was for the best.

_For the Best._

I flipped through the pictures once more and was shocked to see Rosalie standing in the background of one, Rosalie and Alice. "Bella the Barbie doll…" I whispered to no one…The wind, really.

I remembered hearing Bella being dragged off to the mall for prom and during the summer by Rose and Alice. She hated the mall, hated it with a passion. It was adorable though, to see her pout. Once she demanded that I should come with her and watch as she was tortured to no end. I almost did too until Alice said it would ruin the torture on my part. So in the end, I got stuck playing Monopoly with Emmett.

_She deserves so much more than me._

_The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over  
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
(And I think you should know this)  
(You deserve much better than me)_

I realized that I was lying on her bed staring up at her ceiling. I was staying here longer than I should have and the bed had quickly lost her warmth that had relaxed me for just a moment. This couldn't be the end.

_The end of what?_ I questioned myself. I sighed again; inhaling the fragrance that I knew would forever haunt my immortal mind.

The end of my happiness, if that was what it was, and the start of never-ending pain. For, being me, my memories would never fade and my wounds would not heal without Bella. Bella was all I lived for and all I needed to survive, but for Bella, I was nothing but a hazard for her. She would live without me and be safe. Safe, safe, safe…This can't really be the end…

I had to come to terms with the truth; I would miss her. I would miss everything. This would be more than agonizing for me. It will be tempting for me to come back to her but I had to accept the fact that it was better if she never saw me again.

Everything will be much better for Bella now that I am out of the way.

I covered the floorboards in her room, forged a note in her hand to her father and stood in the doorway of her home. Everything was ready for my leaving. Everything would be better. Bella will be much happier. Everything will be fine.

"Goodbye, my love."

_Secretly I hoped that my 'Goodbye' would mean a quicker 'Hello.' _


	15. Kiss Me

**Authors Note;** Hee. I get to choose the song now! I was going to do a coldplay song because I like coldplay but then I went on a Sheryl Crow hunt and then stumbled upon one of my favorite bands. Six Pence None Richer. Gotta love 'em. This song is "Kiss Me" and if you haven't heard it, DO SO NOW. I DEMAND YOU TO GO FIND IT AND LISTEN TO IT DANGIT! Anyway…here you go… If it sucks, sorry, I wrote it while being sleep deprived. Forgive me. XD**;End Authors Note**

**Bella's POV.**

_Kiss me out of the bearded barley  
Nightly, beside the green, green grass  
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step  
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress._

I was on absolute high, swinging into the skies into freedom of never-ending dreams. Never-ending love. All doors had been opened. It was perfect. It was a perfect night, the perfect day…Everything was just so _perfect_.

We sat there watching as the sun lingered on the horizon and then slowly drifted down into the ground to sleep as the moon rose into the air to claim complete dominance of the night sky. Edward clasped my hand and we were both sprawled across the green lawn of a small nearby park, just laying there under a tree in a deserted park. Whoever thought parks would ever be deserted? But then again…It was a very old park that people had probably forgotten about years and years ago…

When he had first asked me if I liked to swing I had no idea to any standards as to what he was planning. Swing dancing? Swingers? Who would have thought that Edward Cullen of all people enjoyed _swinging_, as in, on actual swing sets in actual parks?

_"Yes Bella, swinging. In parks, on swing sets…"_

It came as quite a surprise actually. I should've been used to the whole "Edward Cullen mystery" by now, but I don't think I could ever get used to the idea of him doing anything _normal_. I believed him beyond normal, any definition of normal, because he just wasn't. He didn't fit the category…

It was more like…surreal. He was surreal, his beauty, his life…But he was my surreal boyfriend.

….Soul mate.

He rolled over and kissed me softly. "Mmm…I don't think you could ever beat me in a swinging competition…"

I blushed. I had let it slip that I was, as a kid, very competitive when it came to swinging. I would challenge people in my age group to have a swinging contest with me. Of course, somewhere during all that I would fall off or something like that…By the age of probably eight, I'd given up on it with all the bruises and scratches as reminders as of why.

"Oh, you think do you?"

"Yes, yes I do." He smiled. He was probably right. Who could possibly beat a vampire unless he _let_ her win? I'd probably ruin the whole romantic scene by falling off anyway…

_Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight  
Lead me out on the moonlit floor  
Lift your open hand  
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance  
Silver moon's sparkling  
So kiss me_

Edward rolled back over, but closer than he was earlier, "It's twilight," he said. "Our, twilight…"

I scooted closer and rolled on my side to look at him, I poked him.

He looked at me and raised one eyebrow.

"You're too perfect."

"On the contrary, love, I think you're beyond it." He lifted my hand and kissed it. "Sometimes I wonder if you're truly meant for me." He kissed me gently on the lips and I kissed him back as much as our boundaries would allow it.

"We're soul mates, whether you like it or not." I tucked my elbow under my head and used it as a pillow. He smiled.

"What if one of us doesn't have a soul?" he asked.

"Well then we're just lovers forever intertwined in each others lives." I blushed, "Sound better?"

"It works either which way…" he paused, "I love you."

"More than I can comprehend?" I smiled.

"More than we can both comprehend." He touched my cheek. "I think this has been a good night. Don't you?"

"In more ways than one." I looked upwards at the darkening sky, "Yes."

Little lights sparkled closer to us and I sat up. "Fireflies." I breathed. Who knew there were such things as fireflies around here? Wherever here was…Edward had driven us some place not near forks…with me blindfolded. Sometimes he just wouldn't quit with the surprises.

"They're beautiful." I knew he wasn't talking about the fireflies, for he was looking at me, watching my every move. I wondered idly if he was still waiting for me to run away screaming. I sighed in content, it didn't matter. He would never win that battle.

_Kiss me down by the broken tree house  
Swing me upon its hanging tire  
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat  
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map_

He stood up and pulled me to my feet. "Come here…" he began walking the deserted sidewalks of the park until he stopped at another tree with a tire swing.

"You are _not_ getting me on that thing." I folded my arms and shook my head. Tires plus me equals pain.

"I'm not going to push you and make you go 'whee' just go sit in it, will you?"

"How about we sit in the tree branches instead?" I smiled mischievously. I wanted to feel tall for once. Tall and evil plus me equals yay.

"Insane…" I heard Edward mutter as he picked me up and we sat in a branch not to high up and not too low to the ground. He had me seated in his lap with his arms wrapped around my waist so I wouldn't fall. He leaned against the trunk of the tree and I leaned against his chest.

"I feel tall." I said. "Not short. Tall."

"You aren't short." I could just feel the frown on his face.

"Says mister 6 foot something…"

"Six foot two."

"Exactly!" I said…How come he was so tall and I was so short?

"You're absurd."

"Incongruous!" I said.

"Anomalous!"

"Odd!"

"Out of the ordinary!"

"Ridiculous!"

"Silly!"

"Impractical!"

"Asinine!"

"Egotistical!"

"Bella!"

"Edward!"

"I love you." He turned me around and kissed me. I smiled.

"Passion." I said when he let me go.

"You win." He turned me back around and buried his face in my hair.

"I usually do." He chuckled.

_So Kiss Me…_


	16. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**Authors Note; Hey look, a Twilight song fic! Song is Death Cab For Cutie- I Will Follow You Into The Dark. This is the scene where Bella is in the hospital at the end of Twilight and Edward is just watching her. I totally have a perfectly good explanation for scarcely any song fic updates.**

……**.I just haven't thought of it yet. ;End Authors Note**

_Love of mine some day you will die  
But I'll be close behind  
I'll follow you into the dark_

He watched her as she slept soundly and peacefully. It was another one of _those _nights. He wished he could sleep and dream about Bella or have nightmares of all sorts. He wished for anything that could take his mind off the drastic subject he could not escape.

Death.

He had tricked death; he had tricked death several times. He escaped from The Fever, he escaped from the small points of humanity that caused any sense of aging or disease. He'd escaped it all, and he'd helped his angel escape as well. He wondered how long he would continue to trick death.

But above all he wondered, Could his Bella be like him?

Not in the monstrous way, of course, but become as tricky as he and escape too. Although, she would not be able to escape forever, age would take her, heart disease could take her. And God knows at anytime, He could take her too.

If Bella ever left his safe grasp, he would have to follow her into the dark, damp, cold tunnels of Heaven and Hell.

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white  
Just our hands clasped so tight  
Waiting for the hint of a spark  
If Heaven and Hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

But if there is nothing such as Heaven and Hell than he would grasp her soul, even if he had none, and follow her to wherever it is that she would go. In the ground, he would follow, in the depths of nothing, he would follow. He would be with her no matter what.

If such a God existed and he went to the pits of Hell, he would work centuries just to be able to remember her simple face. He would beg and plead with God that Bella was his soul purpose. But then again, if God knew everything, he would surely understand Edward's soul purpose.

_Soul_, what a funny word to think about, especially when he had none.

Bella lay in the hospital bed with the air mask across her face. He had been so close to losing her…So very close. If he hadn't made it there on time, he would never have been able to forgive himself, even in death with Bella by his side.

He wondered if there was a way besides changing her to keep her safe and sound with him forever.

_No._

If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark

"You can leave now, Edward." Charlie entered the room with a disturbed look on his face. Edward lifted his head, his eyes covered in confusion. So lost in thought was he, he had not heard Charlie's steps down the hall.

"No, sir, I'm fine." Edward shook his head, his eyes gazing upon Bella's face with a hurt, attached expression on his face. No one would be able to make him move.

"You need some sleep, kid." Charlie said.

"No I don't, sir, no I don't…" He shook his head again, drifting off into thought again.

_"You let her slip away?"_

_"I'm sorry, Edward, she said she needed to go to the bathroom, what was I supposed to do, walk into a girls restroom?" _

_"Edward, please, don't be mad at Jasper, Bella might be hurt…"_

_"If he lays a hand on her, I'll kill him."_

_"No, I will, this is my fault."_

_"You and Emmett than, but he cannot get away with this, damnit!"_

He had decided then and there that if he lost her, he would lose himself to.

_You and me have seen everything to see  
From Bangkok to Calgary  
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down  
The time for sleep is now  
It's nothing to cry about  
Cause we'll hold each other soon  
The blackest of rooms_

Bella and him had been through so much, it was unbelievable. How much longer could he live like this, in danger all the time, his precious Bella at risk of death every second? He shook his head.

He stood up and held Bella's hand in his. So warm, soft… He lifted it and kissed it. He watched her longingly and stayed there for awhile, listening to the pumping of her heart and the beeping of the monitor.

"I love you, Bella."

In that dark room, where he watched her bleed and scream from the fire that he luckily saved her from…He'd knew that he was in sure fact, in **_Love_** with her and that he could never bear to be apart from her. He was at last completely sure with himself.

Bella was his, **_forever_**.


	17. Some Hearts

**Authors Note; I told Silver Stick (You all know her best as Silviael) I would update if she updated…and she did. Eevvill…**

**Sorry for the lack of updates, would've updated Saturday and Wednesday BUT I had a SOCIAL LIFE. Let me tell you, I hate it. Never again, I like the quiet peaceful hard working times of being a nerd and has friends via AIM/MSN/Yahoo. **

**So anyway, be prepared to see this same authors note for ever update. I'll be updating all day and tomorrow and The Ham Attack for those of you who have read The Toast Attack should be up soon so should the first chapter of mini WTI which will be in the FairyTales section. ;End Authors Neverending Notes of Doom**

**Bella Swan's POV**

**Song; Some Hearts, by Carrie Underwood**

_I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky  
Always stumbling' around in circles  
But I must have stumbled into something  
Look at me  
Am I really alone with you  
I wake up feeling like my life's worth living  
Can't recall when I last felt that way  
Guess it must be all this love you're giving  
Never knew never knew it could be like this  
But I guess_

Is this possible? Can anything be real? Is this fantasy something of my fevered imagination or am I truly lost in reality? Everything is much too perfect. This has to be a dream. No one's life…no one is this lucky…This is all just a fevered dream. But that _kiss_ doesn't feel like just a dream. And his scent certainly doesn't smell like a dream…Can you even smell in dreams?

He pressed his forehead against my shoulder and I rested my head on his. He held my hands, this time tracing them instead of the other way around. I took a deep breath, committing his scent to memory. _Please don't wake me up_…This isn't possible, it shouldn't be possible, but it seemed like it. I was growing used to the feeling he was giving me.

It must be Love.

I've always hoped for someone like him, my prince in shining armor. I've always dreamed about it. Someone who deserves me but thinks he doesn't.

I can't be this lucky.

If I ever was suicidal, I regret it. I would've missed _this_ and all the miracles that have been given to me because of this. Edward gave me a reason to wake up in the morning and stay in Forks.

_  
Some hearts  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side  
Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes_

I wonder if he knew that he owned my heart and could keep it, lock and key. All of it. I wanted him to have it. If it ever had it easy, if it ever was lucky-like it is now-or if it ever was overflowing with possibilities; it all belonged to him. In fact, he could take all of me and I wouldn't care. My soul, my heart…all the things that mattered already belonged to him. Everything was his, and always would be, no matter what.

It was quite indescribable to explain just how I felt in words. I felt as if the world would explode, and even if I died, I would die happy. There was a burst of energy fluttering in my stomach and I swear I just couldn't stop smiling. My thoughts especially were twisted in a whirlwind of haze.

Love, no matter how painful, no matter how odd, no matter how confusing, was beautiful.

My heart—well, his—felt something that I knew was more than a dream. I guess, even hearts like mine get lucky…lucky sometimes.

_Even hearts like mine  
Get lucky, lucky sometimes_

'**Nother Note; YES, THAT'S RIGHT. I USED THE SONG LYRIC. I COULDN'T HELP IT. STFU. And does this even match up with the song? I DUNNO. If it sucks, sorry XD…AT LEAST I UPDATED. XD**


	18. Girlfriend

**Authors Note: **Hullo, just quick little song fic that you all will enjoy (hopefully) Happy April Fools Day (aka My birthday) Don't take this seriously, just a stupid thing about Lauren

Hope you all got pranked so bad. **:End of Authors Note**

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend_

(Lauren's POV)

I rolled my eyes, of course Bella and Edward would get together. I hate them so much. And, like, seriously, I should be the one going out with Edward. I mean, we were perfect together, both hot, both awesome and popular in our on way. We'd be like, totally perfect.

I mean, really.

Bella wasn't even graceful.

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
No it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend_

He totally likes me, you can so tell. He's just having a horrible time showing it. I mean, he thinks that by going out with Bella he can get closer to me and like, ask me out.

Oh just imagine those lush pale lips on mine…Mmm…that shirt needs to come off now, baby…

I bit through my pencil staring at him.

_You're so fine  
I want you mine  
You're so delicious  
I think about ya all the time  
You're so addictive  
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?  
Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious  
And Hell Yeah  
I'm the motherfucking princess  
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right_

He's so pretty too, I mean tall, handsome, he looks strong too. Oh we'd be just adorable, me hand in hand with Edward Cullen! I mean we'd totally hit it off. Oh and we could be so much more than that too.

Did that teacher just say something to me?

I could have his children! Oh they'd be so cute, with his looks too, mine of course because I'm just a beautiful as him. Oh stupid Bella why does she have to lean so close to him like that. I just hate her so much she is always stealing my fair game, Edward Cullen should be mine.

I bet he's just going out with her because of the whole "I hate you" thing, it's probably just a way to apologize.

Who wants to go out with _Bella_ anyway?

I could do so much more to him than Bella ever could…oh like in bed…I should probably practice…. Mmmm…

I could be his Queen and him my King or maybe we'll do the whole Princess and Servant Boy thing. How delicious…

_She's like so whatever  
You could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talking about!_

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
Cause I can, cause I can do it better  
There's no other  
So when's it gonna sink in?  
She's so stupid  
What the hell were you thinking?!_

Bella was like so _bleh_, I could do everything so much better than her. I mean, who couldn't? Everyone knew I was better than Bella and that me and Edward were like _soul mates_. It's totally true.

Just the other day I could've sworn that Eric and Angela were talking about how me and Edward would make such a lovely couple. Just think, what if we got married? It be such a wonder to see what he would do in bed….

Bella was so stupid. Edward could be mine, wrapped around _my_ finger and working to get in _my_ pants. We all know when he looks away, he's thinking about me, wanting to be with me because he secretly loves me. Edward….

The bell rang. Damn. That view just kept getting better and better.

Oh look, Edward is walking over…

"Lauren," He nodded his head once, a slightly amused twinkle in his eye, and a bit more frustration.

"Yesss?" Oh yes, Edward, I'll marry you…

"Lauren, I shall restrain from embarrassing you,"

"Oh pfft! What is it…_baby_?" Oh he's so in to me, he's trying to hold himself back from kissing me…Pfft he thinks he'll embarrass me…total turn-on.

"Alright, well, Lauren I would prefer it if you stopped looking at me as if I shall become your…accomplice? You see, Lauren, I'm forever devoted to a young woman as it is. We're getting married, actually. I'm sure…Eric though, has some interests in you." Edward nodded and turned to leave.

…….Oh _Eric_….


	19. Pressure

**Authors Note: **I uhhh tend to lie when it's summer time. Please forgive me. I don't know when updates will be coming or even if they'll be coming again regularly. BUT! I figured that you guys deserved updates. Hope you're all having a great summer and thanks for reading x3! The song is Paramore's Pressure and it is told in EDWARD'S POV.

During New Moon by the waay…. **:End Authors Note**

_Tell me where our time went  
And if it was time well spent  
Just don't let me fall asleep  
Feeling empty again_

It's another day, with another hour going by. There's another minute spent unwell, and there goes the seconds, too. Time was so slow and so abundant. I watched as people rushed on, in a hurry, but for what? In the lives of people, time was short and they had to fill it up quickly, busy themselves to keep from feeling the emptiness that I felt now, that I was trying very hard not to feel.

I wondered what happened with that never ending feeling of timelessness. Where had that gone? Had I left that too alone with my… with _Her_? I stared blankly ahead, covering up my sadness with the urge to hunt Victoria. As I started, picking up where I had left off, I noted that it was all useless, hopeless. How could I protect her from Victoria if I couldn't protect my own self from her memories of sweet content?

Couldn't anyone save me from putting myself through this torturous living hell?

_...No._

_Cause I fear I might break  
and I fear I can't take it  
Tonight I'll lie awake feeling empty_

I fear that I would break this promise to myself and her and return to her only to find that she was much happier, oh so much happier without me. I sighed, isn't that what I had intended though? I furrowed my eyebrows; I was contradicting myself all over again, fighting against my own decision. Who was I to even have entered her life and fallen in such a deep love with her? Even by looking at her I put her in danger.

Tonight I know I'll go through the same pain I do every day. I'll remember her sleepless nights, her nights sleep talking even… I'll feel the void, the ever growing void that I'll just wish away. She affected me in such a way it was insane. It was maddening going so long without her touch, her smile, her warmth. I missed her so much.

…_Then go back._

_I can feel the pressure  
It's getting closer now_

_Some things I'll never know  
And I had to let them go  
Some things I'll never know  
And I had to let them go  
I'm sitting all alone feeling empty_

There's the sweet, sweet voice in my head that fights with me every day. It's my other half, I suppose, and sometimes I wonder if I should follow it and give into it, do what it says. Suppose it is the logical one and I am the illogical one. What if I am deeply mistaken in everything I have thought so far?

Was anyone ever prepared to feel such things for one person? Was anyone ever taught how to fight against their feelings? Was anyone ever taught how to let go? In all truth, I feel like I am trapped, and there is no window but a broken and hard one to open and jump out of. It's chained shut yet I know I have the key to it nearby.

I'm chained into a world of confusion and rapid insanity to where any sane person goes mad anyway with murder and blood engraved on their hands and buried in their fingernails. A cataclysm as they would call it, a complete and unimaginable misfortune that haunts me. No one ever told me Love would be such a diabolical plot that everyone should avoid and refuse to enter unless you're willing to lose your life or a limb to take such a horrendous chance at trying to be "happy".

If only I could love her without hurting her in the ways that I have. Some answers, it seems, I'll never know, never quite understand or grasp. In all these years of living I have not yet braced myself for this most difficult task.

_Feel the pressure  
It's getting closer now  
You're better off without me_

In the end it all leads down to one thing- The happiness of the other, the one you've fallen in love with. She'll soon forget me; she'll heal from what will forever haunt me. Human memories fade, mine do not. She'll move on and become a mother with a family and a husband that can take care of her better than I ever could. She'll go to college and get a degree and pursue whatever dreams she had growing up. She'll make it.

_Then again, these could be your own dreams for her…_


End file.
